Quoth Magneto, Acolytes
by ColdFusion180
Summary: No Poe or raven in this tale. Let madness and chaos prevail!


**Note: This story takes place before my story "Mutant Histeria".**

* * *

 **Quoth Magneto, "Acolytes"**

Once upon an evening crazy, while I sagged out weak and lazy,  
Having put up with my students for a score of days and nights.  
Hoping for some peace and quiet from the latest student riot,  
Turning to my liquid diet, but finding none within my sights.  
"Charles," I said, "You deserve to get out away from all your plights.  
To get out and have a bite."

Fueled on by a worthy purpose and a local taxi service,  
From my mansion I did silently and stealthily take flight.  
To a restaurant I discovered, to a table I was ushered;  
Table waiting to be covered with such gastronomic delights.  
Setting aside all thoughts of those whom I declined to invite;  
Out of mind and out of sight.

Before I used my incisors or was served my appetizers,  
From the kitchen rang out screams filled with distress, terror and fright.  
Through the doors the chefs came blasting followed by the insane laughing,  
Of a maniac's flames splashing, splashing the room awash in light.  
Sitting, shocked, and stunned I was like a deer caught in the headlights .  
At the loss of my respite.

Suddenly without preamble Sabertooth strode out to sample,  
Roasted leg of lamb most ample from a table on my right.  
Like some youngsters playing truant causing but a frightful nuisance,  
Appeared some familiar mutants all whose names I could recite.  
I wished then I'd been served bottles of fine wines of red or white,  
To help me get through the night.

Pyro freely gobbled mini sugared cream-filled _cannoncini_ ,  
While playing with every flaming candle set within his sights.  
Most attentions were diverted from suave Gambit as he flirted,  
With waitresses young and skirted whose passions he did excite.  
While pocketing paper slips on which phone numbers they did write.  
Acting not a bit contrite.

As his teammates worked their magic, raising Cain and causing havoc,  
Colossus tried to calm the patrons by acting most polite.  
Though intent good and manners warm, they saw only his armored form,  
Which urged them to stir up a storm, a storm based on panicked flight.  
Flee they did while screaming wildly as if struck by sheer stage fright.  
Rushing out into the night.

Disorder spread upon the scene. I tried right then to intervene,  
By putting everyone to sleep before wiping their minds tight.  
Foiled I was on that last option, bonged I was upon my noggin,  
By a piece of debris droppin'; my intentions it did smite.  
My telepathic processes the blow disrupted outright.  
Curled my spine up like a bight.

Lying there while feeling nauseous, not quite being knocked unconscious,  
I sensed a familiar presence standing haggard and upright.  
Having flown in through a window, over me there loomed Magneto,  
Peering down at me in my woe as if from some lofty heights.  
"Magnus," I blinked. "What is this force of frivolous delights?"  
Quoth Magneto, "Acolytes!"

Ignoring the helmet wearer, the poor patrons fled in terror,  
From the crazy, insane antics that had become all too trite.  
Flanks of steak Sabertooth mangoed; Gambit with a waitress tangoed;  
As I sat there all lumbagoed, singing flames within my sights.  
I gasped, "What's this marvel that with madness and mayhem unites?"  
Quoth Magneto, "Acolytes!"

While the room continued rocking, with my head throbbing and knocking,  
Magneto raved and ranted on about the gaggle he had hight.  
"They're lunatics, there is no doubt. I locked them in, but they broke out!  
All discipline and rules they flout! Their madness is nonfinite!"  
I gaped, "What have you assembled that contains such insane might?"  
Quoth Magneto, "Acolytes!"

Suddenly in through the lobby appeared Scott, Kurt, Jean and Bobby,  
Dressed in their battle uniforms of X-studded spandex tights.  
"Professor!" Their cries erupted. "We thought you had been abducted!  
Your location we constructed from Cerebro's many cites.  
What mayhem has befallen you on this dreary night of nights?"  
Muttered I did, "Acolytes!"

Undeterred by the new presence of my mutant adolescents,  
The Acolytes went on to sate their ravenous appetites.  
Beef loin Sabertooth was reaming; Gambit left a waitress beaming;  
 _Cassata_ Pyro was creaming with euphoric hearty bites.  
Till Scott told the X-Men to charge like a squad of lymphocytes.  
Happy little vegemites.

Upon such brusque intent to brawl, things grew into a free for all,  
With foodstuffs and mutant powers being used in bipartite.  
Frozen _soufflés_ Bobby readied; _kåldolmar_ Gambit spaghettied;  
Jean's shields Colossus unsteadied with a flurry of lefts and rights.  
With her blinded by bean soup he nearly broke through, but not quite.  
Hitting hard like dynamite.

Optic blasts Scott shot at Pyro, who answered with an inferno,  
Raising the air temperature several degrees Fahrenheit.  
Fire rains were quickly thwarted; wraths of flames were then aborted;  
By Kurt as he teleported Pyro somewhere else to fight.  
Such surreal scenes could only be well told by Walter Cronkite,  
Broadcast live by satellite.

Visor Sabertooth sent reeling, Scott blasted off half the ceiling.  
Things were positively a happenin'; such chaos madness ignites.  
Bobby dueled with fresh _ciabatta_ Gambit brandishing _focaccia_.  
Plastered I was with hot pasta; Jean's shrieks rang as if from wights,  
With live lobsters clinging to her like a swarm of pinchy sprites.  
Armored little water knights.

Suddenly out from the kitchen came a frantic benediction,  
Of Kurt crying for salvation, but was cut off in mid cite.  
In his place a rapid bubbling, enhanced by a high pitched rumbling;  
Through the doors out came a-tumbling, flanked by Pyro's fires bright,  
The biggest blob of uncooked dough ever to rise within my sight.  
Sticky moist and fluffy light.

Swift it rose with most abandon, engulfing my other X-Men,  
Trapping, entombing them within, the raw rising dough did smite.  
With head and legs all sticking out, without departing from its route,  
Straight through a concrete wall most stout, the light golden dough did skite.  
Pyro and friends pursued leaving the place looking like a site,  
Hit by a meteorite.

Dazed I sat while seeing double, lying there amongst the rubble,  
Of the restaurant's remains where I'd planned to have a respite.  
Silent but for my rough gasping, voiceless I was all but rasping,  
While outside someone was laughing, laughing loud throughout the night.  
"What," I gasped, "Was that insane storm of madness, chaos and fights?"  
Quoth Magneto, "Acolytes!"

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the poem "The Raven".**


End file.
